Sometimes when I crawl out of bed and scribble furiously in my notebook instead, I'm playing out some sort of fantasy identity that has fossilized for over a decade in my mind. That of the artist consumed by his art, overwhelmed by his sheer need to create, by god!
Tonight, I sat up because despite what I tell myself, I'm worried about the coming year. I'm worried about what comes after that. About the direction I'm taking myself.
So I jotted down what I wanted to achieve in the course of my lifetime. What I wanted to see when I flipped those LIFE tokens over to tally up my points. And then I added below them the foreseeable steps I could take.
This past year in college has changed me, I have to admit. Subtly, it has opened my eyes to certain realities and given me the acknowledgement I needed to move forward with quite a bit more fuel in my tank. Just now, with my stomach grumbling because it's nearly dawn, I realized I had been sidetracked for the longest time by things that were aesthetically pleasing and easy to stomach. It's time to weed them out, beautiful as they may be. Time to go back to the challenges I love, because when you love something, even the challenges are appealing. Also time to stop playing by someone else's rules.
Tonight, I needed to trap my thoughts on paper so that they could be properly tamed.
No comments:
Post a Comment